


Seventeen

by Soldado_Invernal



Series: Twist of Fate [2]
Category: IT (1990), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: AU where they ran away together, M/M, after finding out Richie would be moving away, again Richie17/Eddie16, it drinks from both 1990 and 2017 'cause I can't decide, sadder ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-20 05:27:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22943926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soldado_Invernal/pseuds/Soldado_Invernal
Summary: “— Run away with me, Rich. They are already saying you’ve tried to run away. So let’s do it, let’s run away.”(Alternate Ending toBoyfriendIf you haven't read it, it probably won't make any difference, but if you need some background)
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: Twist of Fate [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648939
Comments: 22
Kudos: 28





	1. One

_ “— I meant it when I asked you to run away with me. _

_ — And what would we do? Be pariahs in some small city forgotten by God?” _

Being pariahs sounded less awful each time Eddie kissed Richie’s neck. So soon enough, it was like the most fucking brilliant idea ever.

— Let’s go.

— Are you sure?

— I wanna be with you, Eds. That's all I wanna do. Anywhere in the world, if we have to run away, so be it… I just wanna be with you.

Richie’s answer hit Eddie like a lightening and he was electrified. 

— I’m gonna pack my things, get Ma's car, we get the fuck out of this town tonight, Rich. Get your stuff ready. We’re gonna do this, ok? I'm gonna stop by in less than an hour, so be ready, ok? And we'll drive all the way South.

With his heart on his mouth, Richie agreed. How could he pack all his shit in less than an hour? What would he even pack? Other than Eddie, what would he take from Derry? (Sadly, he thought, it wouldn’t be possible to take all the other Losers with them).

He ended up with only two bags, with most of his clothes, some of his favorite comics, all of his economies. How much would cost them to get to Mexico? "Much more than what I have, for sure!". 

Maybe they wouldn’t even hit that far anyway. "What’s our chances of actually leave Derry?". Maybe Eddie’s mom would wake up and stop her son from stealing her car in the silence of the night. Or his own mother would catch them and boy, that would be a bad scene.

Richie wondered what Stanley would say about their escape plans. He would probably hit their heads together and yell "are you fucking stupid?!". And he would obviously be right - it wasn’t even a plan, to be honest. But they were out of time and desperate times ask for desperate measures. 

Eddie’s car's old engine was heard from afar, Richie would know that sound from a hundred miles. Richie took a last look at his old room - with luck, it would be the last time he saw that place - and jumped out the window with no hesitation.

— You got everything you needed? — Eddie asked with a half smile, staring at the two bags with very little faith. Richie nodded and something in his eyes made Eddie wonder if he was so scared as himself. — I got us a map, but I’m gonna have to say I’m sorry first.

— Why?

— This car. It won’t make it till Mexico. 

— Can it take us out of Derry, at least?

— We're with the full tank, so I think it can get to… — he took a look at the map and then at his watch. — Massachusetts? If we’re lucky.

— Are you feeling lucky? — Richie asked in one of his voices that sounded like all the others, but Eddie never told him that. 

They were in the car, all packed and set to go. His mother didn’t wake up when he started the car in the garage right under her room. He even had time to leave a goodbye note to the Losers on Bill’s porch (in a place he knew only Big Bill would look for). And Richie wouldn’t have to leave. So yeah, he was feeling pretty lucky.

Roads ahead wouldn’t be easy on the old car, and if they were pulled, Eddie only had the provisory licence, he couldn’t be driving without an adult with him, so that could be a problem. But he was a good driver and he liked it very much. As soon as he turned 16, Ma allowed him to get his permit, so she wouldn’t have to drive around anymore. And he never had any accidents or problems.

At first, they didn’t speak at all. Eddie was focused on the roads and Richie was doing his best not to cry. " _ Boys Don’t Cry  _ said the song Ben was listening to the other day…", but he wasn’t sure if that was what the lyrics really meant.

Ben… He would be very supportive of them, helpless romantic as he was. "A poet at heart"...

— I brought us some mixtapes, it’s somewhere under your seat. — Eddie said, pulling Richie back to reality. Music would be good to cheer up the mood, and turn the poorly lit roads into a fun adventure. — Do you think we're crazy?

— Totally. Completely out of our minds. But what other option we had? 

— Yeah, I think you’re right… It’s stupid to worry about that now. We’ve been driving for hours? 

— Yeah, I think so. What time is it? 

— Can you get the lantern in the glove compartment? I can’t see my watch in all this dark. 

It was almost midnight. Richie wondered if Eddie wasn’t tired from driving for hours straight. 

— Relax, I’m alright. I'm just worried not to lose the turn. According to the map, we're close to Boston, I guess. We can stop there for the night… Maybe even find somewhere cheap so we won’t have to sleep in the car.

When they hit the city, it was easy to find somewhere to spend the night - easier than any of them imagined it would be. The man didn’t seem happy to be awaken so late and even dropped - in a very rude way - the question if they were a homosexual couple. Eddie looked up at Richie, who thought quickly and said they were step brothers on their way home. He even made up a voice that wasn’t half bad, and then the guy let them go.

— Nice save, _ bro _ . 

— You looked like you needed some help. — Richie joked. The room they got was the cheapest possible, with a single bed and an old couch, falling apart. It was clean, at least, and had a private bathroom. 

— Will it be strange if I spend the night kissing my brother? — Eddie teased. — I love kissing my  _ bro _ 's neck, you know?

— Perv. Do you wanna share the bed?

— I don’t see any other option, this couch looks like it has fleas on it. — the boy icked out just looking at it. — I guess you're stuck with me.

They locked the door and, for precaution, pulled the bedside table to hold in case anyone else had the key. The blinders weren’t closing fully, but gave them enough privacy. Eddie took with him everything he thought could be useful from the car.

— We’re getting a little paranoid, aren't we?

— You can never be too safe in this kind of place. And we were lucky to find a decent motel!

— You act like you’ve ever been out of Derry. How do you even know this stuff? 

— Let’s just say… I’ve been wanting to get out for a while. I never had the nerve to do it, though… Not until now.

— Eddie Spaghetti, you're telling me you wanted to run away?

Eddie nodded. After finding out his mother was feeding him placebos and what not, he got so upset and planned it all. But never went through it 'cause he didn’t want to leave his friends, and Richie above them all. So he endured Ma's scolding with a heavy heart for a few more years… till last night.

Of course, he didn’t want to leave the Losers behind like that, but keeping Richie was more important than anything else. And Eddie was sure all Losers would understand that he was doing what  _ needed to be done _ . Bill would definitely be on Eddie’s corner, as he always was. That was why he left him the note, explaining it all. Stanley could easily fill any blank, if they needed.

Thinking about Bill and Stan made Eddie’s heart sink. Mike, Ben, Bev… Would they ever see each other again? 

— I’m gonna take a shower. — Richie said, looking around his stuff. Uncertainly, he added. — If you want to… join me?

He didn’t have to ask twice. The bathroom was very small, but they had no problem with being so close. They had been undressed in front of each other before, but it was the first time they could allow themselves to appreciate the beauty of their shapes. As soon as they turned the warm water on, Eddie reached out first, putting his hand on Richie’s waist gently.

If he needed anything else to blur his eyes, the steam made it almost impossible for Richie to actually  _ see _ Eddie; but he felt him alright. When he pulled them closer, when he kissed his way from the cheek to his neck. They were already so acquainted with each other’s body (even though it was the first time they were full on naked) that he had no trouble finding the right spots to touch to set his lover on fire.

— Rich… — Eddie moaned so softly when he came against Richie’s tights and pulled him in for a kiss. Having the love of his life there was comforting enough. Together they could beat the odds, if it was them, everything was doable. Love wasn’t good if it wasn’t Richie and Eddie.

They got off the shower right into bed, still kissing passionately. Weirdly, something in Richie's lips felt salty, but Eddie didn’t have the courage to ask if he was actually crying. Maybe it was the taste of his own tears. 

— This pillow stinks. 

— Yeah, the sheets are stinky too, now that you mentioned.

Eddie rested his head on Richie’s chest and they held each other tightly for the night. The weather was very hot, but none of them cared. Their hearts beating against one another, their arms around each other, their breaths synchronizing as they fell asleep together… It was much more important.

All they needed to face the morning after was a nice sleep and maybe some food - breakfast was included, luckily. But when Eddie woke up at 6 a.m. that day, luck wasn’t the first word to cross his mind.

— Where the fuck... ? — he said out loud, and then he saw Richie, still with his eyes closed, almost falling from the edge of the bed. He double checked his face, before pulling him in. — Yeah, right. We are… somewhere, yes. Rich?

— Hm…?

— You’re drooling all over me. Rich, wake up!

— Why? 

— We have to move on! We don’t wanna stay in Boston, right?

They haven’t talked about where they were heading to. Eddie hoped the car would hang on till they get to New York, but he never got to mention this plan to Richie or even ask if he had somewhere else in mind.

— Fifty more minutes... I don’t care if I get late. No one would miss me if I skipped school today.

— Don’t act like I'm your mother, asshole. — Eddie laughed and planted a kiss on Richie’s cheek.

— Eddie? What are you doing in my room?... Oh! This ain't my room!

— We’re on a run, idiot. Remember?

For some reason, Richie's mind seemed as foggy as the bathroom last night… Yes, they showered together last night and… They spent the night in a cheap motel room in Boston.

— Yes, yes, I’m up. Did you sleep ok?

—Yes, did you? — Eddie asked, combing Richie’s rebel hairs with his fingers and gently touching his cheek. Richie kissed his palm and said yes with a nod. — Let’s grab something to eat before hitting the road. We’ll eat as much as we can, ok?

— I’m your guy with that. Ok. Let me just… pack my shit and we're good to go.

For 50 bucks per night, none of them were expecting a feast, but breakfast wasn’t so bad, with some eggs and bacon and they even had some pancakes. Richie had a hard time trying not to look so in love with Eddie while the boy was shoving his face in food.

Eddie took a look at the engines to make sure they were working the best they could and they were already back in the car before 8 a.m..

— What do you think we move to New York? 

— I don’t know… Don’t you think it’s gonna be… a little too expensive?

— Yes, we won’t be living in luxury or anything… But wouldn’t it be awesome? There's so much we can do there.

Richie looked through the window. He never gave a serious thought about where he’d go if he ever left Derry. He never dreamed of living anywhere, never actually planned anything. He figured that nowhere in the world would be welcoming to him anyways.

—… and we could go to Coney Island on the weekends, ride the  _ Cyclone _ till we throw up. Well, you'd throw up. Would you like that? 

— Yes. Yes, I would. Yeah, let’s move to New York then!

Eddie lost his fingers on Richie’s hair affectionately, giving him one of those breathtaking smiles that Richie knew he could never resist. He had no idea of how they would afford a place to live in New York, or even find it in such a hurry. But if he had Eddie by his side - and Richie knew it was very selfish of him - they could live under the bridge and he would be the happiest guy alive.

— I’m happy we're here together.

— Me too. You know… There’s no one else in the world I would rather be with, right now. 

— Thanks, Eds. For… Everything. You're doing all the driving and I'm being so fucking useless right now!

— Hey, Rich. Look at me. I’ve been planning to leave Ma for almost four years now. I got the map, and the money and made myself believe that I was ready to kick the heels whenever I felt like… But it was only when I thought I was gonna lose you that I decided to go. For real. Not looking back. Fuck, I even brought things we could sell just to get us by while we look for work. I may seem prepared, but believe me… It’s all for you.

If possible, Richie loved Eddie even more. Every time he wondered if what he was feeling was the real deal or simply an infatuation was washed away by his words. Yeah, maybe he was too young to understand most of everything, but love… He knew what love was. It was Eddie.

— Do you think we get there today?

— I drank enough coffee to do so… — Eddie pointed out and Richie remembered watching him turning at least three cups of black coffee down his throat during breakfast. — And I’m confident the car will get there. Someday.

— So… We’re gonna be fine! I guess.

— I hope! 

“Eddie is very good with the car”, Richie thought, watching him look under the hood once again on their restroom stop, after hours. “Not only fixing it, but he’s good driving too. It doesn’t even look like he’s tired of it”. Those were very sexy abilities, at least for him. Even in the middle of nowhere, he was looking good as always.

— Every time you open this thing, I swear I get really anxious. Will it turn on again, or are we gonna stay forever in this stop? Stay tuned! — Richie made a funny announcer voice, just to break Eddie’s concentration.

— Fuck off, it’s been working pretty well since we left… Since…

They both stared at each other with the same question. What was the name of the city they were coming from, again?

— I think we’re on the road for too long… My head is kinda… Dizzy. Can you get me a snack bar in my bag?

It took one second for Richie’s head stop to spin, but he reached to Eddie’s bag on the backseat, only to find a shitload of snack bars, some soda cans and a few chocolates. He hadn’t paid attention to the backseat yet, but it was full of bags, some really big and heavy.

— What the fuck, you robbed a grocery store? What’s all this candy?

— I thought we could need something for the drive, if it lasted longer than what I’ve planned. You can get whatever you want, it’s ours.

— And what’s up with all of those bags? Did you pack your entire house?

— It’s just… Some things thought we could need. Be careful not to break anything.

— Why? What’s in there, Eddie? — Richie asked again, when Eddie looked away. 

— It’s nothing. I… Just over packed. You know me.

— I know you enough to know when you’re lying, mr. Pants on Fire. — Eddie rolled his eyes, ‘cause he knew Richie wouldn’t knock it off that easily. — What could be so bad that you’re not telling me? Did you kill your mother and packed her up with us?

— Jesus, fuck, Rich! Get in the car, you psycho!

— You’re the one who might have brought your mother with us…

— Beep beep, Richie. 

Once again, they stood in silence, trying to figure out where they heard that expression last. Beep beep…? What did that even mean?

— Remember when I said I brought things to sell? My  _ Nintendo _ is one of those.

— The one you got from your grandparents for your birthday?

— Yeah. 

— You can’t sell that. I can’t let you...

— It’s gonna be good money, if we get to sell it, anyway. — Eddie shrugged it off, still looking at the road. — It was that or I would leave it behind. Selling, it’ll have some use for us, help us with rent, or food or something like that.

Again, Richie was baffled with how ready Eddie seemed to be. Richie didn’t think about these kinds of practicalities, he just got his shit in a bag and jumped off the window. He was lucky he remembered to get his documents. 

— We’re leaving New Haven now. 

— How long till we get there?

Eddie looked at his watch again and did the math in his head.

— Two hours, maybe less if I give my middle finger to the red lights.

— Not bad for our first road trip, right? Middle finger them all, darling! 

Eddie laughed and hit the gas.


	2. Two

_ “‘I mean when I ask you to run. We could get in the car and go very far away, find a job, we could do anything in the world.”’ _

They didn’t have to look for somewhere to stay for long - they spent only three nights in the car, parked outside a Methodist church, till Eddie ran into someone who was up to rent a small place for two obvious teenagers, no questions asked. Finding an apartment for them was weirdly  _ easy _ , even though it wasn’t a good neighborhood (both were pretty sure the guy was just looking for a easy way to get rid of a crime scene or something), and was almost the same size of Richie’s old bedroom, but rent was cheap and it was theirs for the month. 

— He just asked your name and that was it? How did you do that?

— Yeah. Well, I may have agreed with him using our apartment as a safe house, if needed. You know, if “anyone” starts to ask questions... So please, you please don’t say a word about it, ok?

— We’ll have to work on our grown up faces if we don’t want to get stabbed here. 

— Ha ha. — Eddie replied with sarcasm, having thought the same thing. He hated feeling like a child, but there wasn’t much he could do when he was only 16. Richie wasn’t any better, since he couldn’t even pretend to act like an adult.

But at least there was a roof on top of their heads and good walls all around. They could worry about everything else later.

Eddie’s paranoid manners were very useful for them to avoid getting mugged when they went out to sell his stuff. Asking here and there, they were able to find a place that paid a fair price for the console and the few baseball cards he had brought too.

— You don’t even like baseball, Eds. How did you have all those cards?

— They were dad's. Ma gave them to me… after he passed. Don’t give me that look, Rich, you said yourself, I don’t like baseball! I never even look at those!

Richie couldn’t complain, since he got 400 dollars out of ten cards ("You must be  _ very  _ proud, mr. K…"), but he felt sorry for Eddie selling all his stuff, when he didn’t have anything of value to do the same.

— You were… Great negotiating them, though. 

— Really? I was so nervous the guy would catch me bluffin'. I just hope they don’t cost way more than we got...

As little as Richie understood of baseball, he figured those cards couldn't be much more valuable than what they got.

— Things are going so well for us right now, I’m getting a little worried... — Eddie allowed himself to confess when they stopped for a “hot dog lunch” break. 

— Don’t be! Things are working out 'cause we’re together. If it’s you and me, everything will be just fine!

— Maybe you’re some sort of lucky charm… It’s weird, I don’t feel like a loser anymore.

Richie smiled, agreeing. With all those skyscrapers around of them, all that traffic, all those different people, it was difficult to feel like a loser. 

While they were walking back to their new home (they decided to give Eddie’s old car a rest, after running miles from… Maine?), Richie asked to stop on a records shop he saw earlier. He knew his shit around music and definitely knew how to talk to people, so the idea that popped on his head wasn’t  _ that bad _ . When Eddie got distracted, Richie walked to the back of the store with his best hopes.

— What do you mean, you got a job?

— Right here!

— How did they hire you? We're dropouts!  _ You _ 're a dropout!

— I don't know, I just I asked the lady in the office and she had a job, so… I’ll start tomorrow, 8 a.m.!

— What the actual… Fuck. — Eddie let his hand touch Richie's cheek in absolute awe, and almost locked their lips, but held himself. Noticing it, Richie bit his lower lip. — Congratulations! 

— See? I told you things would be fine, as long as we're together.

— And there’s no place I’d rather be.

Even with no furniture in the house or at least a proper bed, the two boys celebrated that afternoon, toasting with the soda cans, and sharing the cheapest Chinese take-out from a restaurant nearby. They didn’t care if everything wasn’t perfect, it was theirs. Their new life in a big city and it was going so good so far! 

— Hey… — Eddie mumbled when they were lying on the floor, using the soft bags as pillows. His hand was caressing Richie’s lower belly, distractedly. — Do you remember… When we were… Where were we? ...anyway, do you remember you asked me what would I say if you said you loved me?

Richie's memories were confused, it all felt like a dream, all foggy. He did remember saying that, asking the exact same words Eddie just said. But he couldn’t remember where were they… 

— Yes.

— I was thinking about that… I don’t… I don’t remember what I answered back then…

— You said… You said we felt better than whatever definition of love. — Even though he wasn’t sure of when or where, Eddie’s answer was still very well kept in Richie's heart.

Eddie rolled over and got on top of Richie, placing each leg on the side of his hips. Being with Richie, in their own home, far from whatever pressure that made them run away… It made him feel like a grown up for the first time ever. 

It was silly and even naive, but when he was with Richie, he felt like a man. Not a scared boy, not a stupid kid. He was a man ("even if the rest of the world would say the contrary"), with the love of his life to fight for.

— I… Just wanna be with you, Rich. No matter where we are, you're the only person I want to be with. 

Richie put his hands around Eddie’s hips, holding him while he sat up straight to look him in the eye. When they were that close, nose to nose, were the only moments when he wasn’t afraid that the world would divide them. 

The kisses they put on hold back in the record shop tasted better at home, when they could just let go and enjoy all the way. Eddie tried his best to keep his kisses from marking any visible skin, but the moans Richie let out every time his lips sucked on him were a tease.

— We’re gonna need a bed if we want to do this every night… — Eddie said, closing the buttons of Richie’s shirt when he was finished, still sitting on his lap.

— Yeah… Or we could hang a hammock in the middle of the room, maybe.

— Yeah, like we’d fit in a hammock together… I think I’m gonna have to look for it by myself tomorrow. Do you think we can fit a full size here, someday? — he looked around, measuring the room in his head. 

— A couple's bed?

— Yeah. We can’t squeeze in a single bed forever. It would be nice to have our own big bed, right? ...Sorry, I’m getting  _ too _ ahead of myself.

— No, no… I like that idea. And I like the sound of "our bed" too. — Richie answered, getting up and walking around, having ideas. Eddie stayed on the floor, watching him wonderstruck. — We could put  _ our _ bed by the window… And we'll have to get a wardrobe to get rid of all of these bags.

— It'll be very nice when we arrange things, for sure. I wish we could paint the walls though... Maybe I could look around for one of those small fridges, so we won't be living out of take-out for the rest of our lives…

— I think I’ve seen somewhere selling some home appliances downtown. We could take a look tomorrow...

— I’ll go.  _ You _ ’re gonna be working. I'm really impressed you found something to do so quickly! 

— Yeah, I’m a man with many hidden talents. Charming people to employ me must be one of them.

— You can be very charming when you want. — Eddie agreed. — Do you want me to drop you off tomorrow morning? 

Richie nodded. 

The night went on, with them picturing how they would like their home, what they could actually get now, what they would save money to buy in a near future and what they could only dream about. There was still a lot they still had to figure out, but it felt like the fucking top of the world.

— Wake up, lazy ass! You don’t want to be late for your first day!

— And, in order not to let me be late, you decided to not to let me sleep? What the fuck…?

— It’s almost seven thirty, it’s not my fault it took you time to fall asleep.

— I’m sorry if I’m not terribly comfortable sleeping on the floor.

— I said I’ll look for something comfier today. But now you really have to wake up or you’ll miss breakfast.

— What do we have for breakfast?

— It’s not like we went grocery shopping yesterday. C’mon! We can stop somewhere and have breakfast. 

Richie looked for his glasses on the floor by his side. Yeah, they were in a new home now, and mom wasn’t there to fix him breakfast anymore. Funny, he couldn’t remember the last time it happened.

— Do you always look so beautiful when you wake up?

— Are you always so flirty when you wake up?

— Only when I’m next to you. — they shared a sweet good morning kiss. All trouble seemed to be long forgotten and now they were now living the dream. Even if “the dream” meant something simple as having a cup of coffee sitting on Eddie’s car, on the parking lot behind the store.

— I think I have to go now. — Richie said, taking Eddie’s wrist to look at his watch. — Will you be ok without me?

— I was wondering the same. I promise I’ll be fine. Do you have enough money to have lunch?

— Yeah, I’ll ask around if there’s some place good. If I find something good, I might even… Bring dinner. — he did a seductive voice to get a smile from Eddie, who laughed.

— Whoa, I like that! Do you want me to pick you up? 

— You read my thoughts. I hope you’re lucky shopping today!

When Richie leaned in for a kiss before getting off the car, Eddie flinched back and looked around quickly - “you can never be  _ too  _ safe”. But as soon as he made sure they were alone, he sealed their lips with much love and a bit of a worry. Leaving Richie on his first day of his first job was… A big responsibility. And so was look after cheap things for their home. Yes, he had luck looking for the apartment and finding a “good” deal, but what if luck runs out? 

They couldn’t depend on Richie’s job at all, so he knew he had to find something to do too. Eddie never thought much about how did his Ma run their house till now; their income was solely from Pa’s private pension and it wasn’t that much of money. Well, maybe life wasn’t that much expensive in… whatever.

Richie wasn’t less worried about what they were going to do from now on. Getting a 9 to 5 job was a huge deviance from his original plans, but then again, he never actively planned anything. What could he do with his stupid voices, anyway? So the best he could do was do his best, ‘cause he knew Eddie was doing his. For them. For it to work.

— Good morning! I’m Sandy, you’re the guy they hired yesterday?

— Yes, I’m Richard. But everyone calls me Richie.

— Nice to meet you, Rich.

“Not ‘Rich’”, he thought, but it was an honest mistake and it probably wasn’t good to correct a colleague on his first day. With a bright and energetic smile, Sandy showed him around and introduced him to the other two people working there (an older dude that acted as if Richie was made out of snot, and another woman called Farrah, who acted like she was  _ the one _ ).

— You’re gonna do good here. John doesn’t like anyone, so don’t think he has something personal against you. So, your job consists of helping clients to look for whatever sound they’re looking for and convincing them to buy it. And you’re also responsible to fix any mess the customers make, ‘cause every night we check if everything is separated by genre and alphabetic order. Are you following me?

— Yes, sir!

— That’s what I like to hear! Many younglings like to come hang in here and we let them, as long as they keep respectful. So that’s another thing for you to keep an eye on. Can you handle that?

Richie didn’t know if he could, but said "yes" confidently enough for Sandy to believe. He felt a little better after he had his first client (not an exciting sell, though) and then Sandy showed him where to get a nice lunch for five bucks. ("Doesn’t your mother pack lunch for you?", she asked on their way to the restaurant. And looked at him with concern when he answered he didn’t live with his mother). In the end, the first day was fine and easy.

— Not bad for a beginner. See you tomorrow, Rich! 

Richie watched the woman walk away while waiting for Eddie on the same parking lot they were in the morning. At least he had a nice and patient co-worker.

— Hey!

— I thought you forgot about me!

— How could I? — they shared a quick kiss and this time Eddie didn’t recoil. — You said you'd be bringing dinner. 

— Low blow, Kaspbrak. Almost makes me wanna keep this fucking delicious fried chicken all to myself.

Eddie started the car and headed home. When they arrived, Richie was surprised to see the full size mattress they were talking last night, exactly where he pictured it.

— The frame is… Basically just wood. I got it from a shop nearby and brought here. The mattress… Is new. It was only 40 bucks, though! I found a sale downtown and I figured I didn’t want to risk getting bed bugs on our first bed together. 

— Fair. I thought we’d get an air mattress but this is awesome! You're good at it, Eddie Spaghetti!

— What did you call me?

— I don’t know… The words sounded funny together.

Richie fell on their bed and pulled Eddie with him. Behind closed doors, Richie felt free to throw his arms around Eddie’s neck and kiss him for real - bits weren't enough to end the need he had of those lips.

— Whoa, it looks like someone approved my purchase. Or did you have a good day?

— Both. But now I just really need to kiss you. I missed you all day long… How will I go out every day knowing this is waiting for me at home? 

Eddie wrapped his legs around Richie’s, enjoying the proximity of their bodies. He was very proud of the bed too (even though they still had no pillows), and couldn’t lie that he was looking forward to make out with Richie on it.

— Tell me, how was your day?

Richie told all about his day, the records and his first sell, and about the co-workers.

— I’m not sure I like this girl, so nice and so cute around you… — Eddie mumbled, playing with his hair. — I mean, it’s better she’s nice than being a bitch, but I don’t like a nice girl spending all day by your side… I’m sure she’ll fall for you…

— You jealous?

— I'm not jealous! But I bet she got "oh so charmed" by your dumb face! 

Richie rolled his eyes. He didn’t notice anything different in the way Sandy treated him, but it was cute to see Eddie biting himself with jealous.

— You think everyone is stupid like you, Eds…

— I'm the only fool allowed to fall in love with you. 

The silence following was louder than if he had shouted. They loved each other, they knew they loved each other, but everytime they started talking about it… The words were gone. And it was ok. Richie thought he was satisfied with all the kissing and touching, but when Eddie said "love", he realized he wanted that too.

— You’re  _ in love with me _ ?

— Yes! Because I'm an idiot!

— Yeah? Well then, I think I'm an idiot too! 

— So we must be the most stupid couple ever. — Eddie concluded, bringing their lips close again and sticking his hand down Richie’s jeans.

"Oh yeah, I’m sure of it. Who else would be stupid enough to jump in an old car in the middle of nowhere and run away, not sure where to go or what to do? And isn’t that even a saying? 'Only fools rush in'? So we must be really, really stupid…"

— Fuck, Eddie… You… keep going… Don’t stop. — "I don’t care if it's my only good pair of jeans anyway". It was difficult to keep his eyes open. — Oh… Fuck! 

Eddie took a deep breath, focusing on Richie’s expression. He was  _ in love _ , and he knew that boy completely helpless against his hand was in love with him too. "Do I have to say the words, though?", he thought every time he had Richie underneath him. "There’s no one else in the world I want to live with, or fall asleep with, or have sex with… Do I have to say 'I love you' to make sure you understand that I always did?".

Their escape was a little blurry in his mind ("maybe we're lacking some vitamins… When was the last time with had a decent meal?"), but the feeling that he had when he asked Richie to run away with was still clear. They belonged together.

Of course they loved each other. So much that they could make greasy fried chicken on the creaky floor more romantic than any fancy dinner. Seeing Eddie humorous face, laughing at his funny voices and licking his fingers while they ate dinner, made Richie truly happy. Not that he believed in such a thing, but that was what heaven must felt like.

— Shower with me tonight? — Eddie asked, getting up and offering one hand. — So we don’t run out of hot water.

— Oh, yeah. It's only fair that we share the hot water.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> — I love you.  
> A faint chuckle.  
> — I love you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: harassment for the end of the chapter (nothing graphic, just really annoying and sad).

_ “‘You know I’d pack my bags and we’d run away in a second if you had told me sooner, right?’”.  _

It took Eddie only three weeks to get really upset about not getting a job. Even though he was making his name and some money fixing things around the neighborhood and being unemployed gave him time to put their house together (with a small fridge and an old microwave)... It wasn’t enough. He would walk around the city all day, everyday looking for a job, but it wasn’t working out.

So when he arrived at Richie’s work one night and announced that he finally got something, the first thing Richie thought was that maybe his mood could get a little better.

— It's only waiting tables and cleaning on a stand-up comedy slash karaoke bar downtown, though. And I don’t think I’ll be able to go with the car, so I'll be getting the subway… and it's paying like, 4 dollars an hour, so that ain't much.

— Hey! It’s great! Not the part where you work late hours but… It’s something, right? At least, it’ll ease up on us… We could even go to that Coney Island trip you promised me once.

— I did, didn’t I? Yeah, I think you're right… It’s gonna be fine.

Richie went with him the first day and it was as bad as Eddie described, but was awesome in its own way. At least for Richie, who could enjoy the comedian on stage and roll on the floor laughing. Eddie, though, thought that Richie could do ten times better.

— I’d never have the courage to go up the stage and do what he did! It takes a lot to do stand-up, you know? 

— I think you have what it takes! And you’re way funnier, so maybe you should give it a try someday… I believe there’s an open mic day.

— No, thanks. I'm ok saving my jokes just for you.

Eddie’s job really ease up on their economies, being enough to pay rent. But the first night when Richie arrived home and he wasn’t there made him feel incredibly lonely. He wondered if that was how Eddie felt when he was at work, 'cause two weeks later, the loneliness had not gotten any better.

— You don’t have to pick me up at the station every night, Rich. It’s past midnight, you know it’s dangerous.

— That’s exactly why I come every night, asshole. Do you think I would be able to sleep knowing you’re making this way by yourself? ...Well, go on and tell me about your day.

— It was ok. But I don’t think I can keep up with so many bad jokes all night! 

— C'mon, you live with me!

— I mean it, Rich! You’re so much better than anyone I've seen on that stage. One of these days, I'll put your name up on the list so they can hear what real comedy sounds like!

Richie laughed.

— And I saw something... weird today! — Eddie said, unlocking their door and giving Richie passage.

— What?

— There were these two guys at the bar tonight and they were like...Kissing. Really making out. All night long. It was almost like there was no one around! And no one cared!

— Really? 

— Yeah! It kinda… made me... You know. I thought of us.

— What? You wanna suck face with your hot boyfriend? 'Cause you can practice on me till you get one!

— Fuck off!

It always ended like that, both falling on bed, desperate for the comfort only them could bring to each other, kissing till they were both breathless. "Richie is the perfect answer to how not to let romance die", Eddie thought and made himself chuckle.

Still with his lips glued to Eddie’s, Richie pulled his pants down and quickly took them off, holding him between his own legs. He knew what he was doing wasn’t right, Eddie had just come back from the night shift, but he kept pushing. 

They had been together for a month now, and they were living together, sharing the bills and a bed, but every time they’re making out and Richie thought they would give  _ the big step _ , Eddie would back off and shut him down. It was almost like a ritual, a sadistic one.

— C'mon… — Richie whispered in Eddie’s ears, making him blush. — You know I want you… More than anything… 

— I’m afraid I'm gonna hurt you, Rich. I don’t... — Eddie tried to say, but his mind was completely taken by the kisses he started getting.

— You won’t. We’ll be fine, I promise you. I just wanna feel you… Please…

Ever since he found out the weakness for his soft “please”, Richie made sure to use it  _ all the fucking time _ . It was dirty playing, but what else could he use it for? And that night, it worked better than he expected.

Eddie wanted it way too much. Every time they were together, when they jerked each other off, or whenever Richie felt naughty enough to suck him off good… He would picture them going all the way and how good it must feel. 

That night he knew he wouldn’t make Richie stop.

At first, it was… Weird. And tight. And Eddie thanked himself for taking some condoms from the bar a few days ago, just out of curiosity. He didn’t think they would be needing it anytime soon, but he was proven wrong.

— You alright? — he asked, at one point, when Richie pushed down and let out a sound that could have been a whimper. — Am I hurting you?

— No… It’s just… Better than I imagined...

— You sure?

Eddie had to figure out the answer by himself, ‘cause Richie was too out of his mind to say anything. It felt  _ good _ , much better than what he could do to himself during bath (and that felt pretty good too). It was like it was meant to be, their forms fitting each other like a puzzle… Only much more fun.

— Is it good, Rich? Are you… feeling good?

— Don’t stop, Eddie… — he grabbed the boy’s shoulders, sticking his nails on soft white skin. His voice was barely a whisper, but the slow thrusts of his hips against Eddie’s made him understand that they would keep going. — Fuck… It feels so good… Eddie!

The vision of his boyfriend sitting on his dick, calling his name with so much pleasure… felt really good too. Almost like if the entire world, the universe and his fucking life… All revolved around Richie Tozier.

— Rich… Fuck, Richie! — Eddie held his hips tightly, to feel himself as much as he could inside his lover and come undone in satisfaction. One last move from Richie made him lose it completely.

Maybe it was just his impression, but Richie's whole body was quivering over his when he lied on Eddie’s chest. "Fuck, I can feel his heart beating… It’s so sweet…".

— Why were we holding back from this? — Richie asked when he finally felt his breathing was regular again. — I feel like I could spend the whole night riding you...

Sleeping wasn’t easy that night, not when all they wanted was to do it again and again. But both had responsibilities, so they were forced to call it off. Still, sleeping intertwined was the best way to fall asleep. 

It was the first morning Eddie didn’t wake up to take Richie to work, but that was ok. "He has all right to be tired today…", he concluded, giving one last kiss on his cheek before leaving.

He could take the subway to get to record shop, but decided to go walking and save a couple bucks to get them something extra for dinner. Eddie liked very much the last time he brought fries with a juicy steak.

— Lost in thoughts? — someone said right behind him. It was Sandy. — Good morning, Rich! You look good this morning, did you make something different with your hair?

— Good morning! Yeah, no. I was waiting for someone with a key, to open the store. I think I got here a little earlier today.

— Lucky you, I'm your girl! — she showed the key and soon they were both in. Sandy turned the open sign and smiled at Richie. She always seemed very excited about everything, but today, with her long blonde hair in a tall ponytail and a summer dress, she looked even more radiant. 

Richie was sure they had it all organized before closing last night, but went on checking the shelves again. He already knew that would be hours till the first client to arrive so he took his sweet time fixing them up (or pretending to do so). And, of course, thinking about last night. 

— Do you like synth pop?

— Well, I don’t think I ever listened to it, to be honest…

— You should, is pretty cool. What kinds of music do you listen to, Rich? 

— Eh… — how would he explain he didn’t even think about bringing music and now his musical taste was practically hostage to Eddie’s and his Bryan Adams’ tapes? — I listen to pretty much anything, I don’t have a preferred genre.

— That’s cool, keeps you always open for new stuff, right? ...Can I ask you something personal, Rich? 

— Ah… Sure, I guess.

— You said you don’t live with your mother, right? But every time we go to the restaurant, you always order two packs to go. I'm sorry if I'm asking too much, but… Do you… Live with somebody? 

Richie was caught by surprise. He knew Sandy noticed his habits, but she never cared to ask before, so he never felt obligated to give an answer about it.

— Yes, I have a roommate. 

— A roommate?

— Yeah. We moved in together, so we thought why not to share an apartment? — "and a bed, and one hell of a night too!". — He's my friend.

— Oh! It must be nice to share an apartment with a friend! Is he the same age as you?

— Yeah. We kinda grew up together.

— That’s nice! — She smiled and walked away. "Weird chit chat, but ok…".

Sandy didn’t talk to him for the rest of the day; she didn’t even went lunch with him, which was something strange, but it didn’t bug him that much. All he could think was how long would it take to see Eddie, and how cruel would he be to fuck him tired again. Maybe he could show up at the bar tonight, so they would be together.

— Hey! Nice sale today, Barry Manilow’s collection isn't for everyone! — again, Sandy appeared out of nowhere, looking overjoyed again. It was closing time and Richie was ready to get his check and get the fuck out.

— Well, I was told my job was to convince customers that they needed to buy their music. Even if the poor woman had a weird taste.

— I have something to you, Rich. We talked about synth pop this morning, I heard a song that I thought you may like. So… — she handle him a tape. 

— "Upstairs at Eric's". — he read on the cover. — Never heard of.

— Yeah, it’s a duo called Yaz. They are British, but they are cool. Anyway, the song I thought you may like is  _ Only You _ , can you listen and then tell me if I got it right, maybe?

— Ah, sure! Thanks!

He put the tape in his pocket and walked out, heading downtown. Once again, he decided not to take the subway. Probably Eddie was already there, working his ass off. They wouldn’t have time for themselves, but he just wanted to see him.

— You! It’s been a while, right? — Eddie joked, when he found Richie at a table. There were only a few people there, many were staff just like Eddie. The night was only beginning.

— Yeah, I was going to ask if we could repeat last night spree, if that ain't ask for too much.

— Are you kidding? I woke up almost 10 a.m.! I didn’t even see you leaving this morning. — Eddie whispered, moving to another table to clean up. — But it's actually nice you’re here. It’s amateurs night!

— I said I wouldn’t do it.

— And I said I’m sure you’ll rock that stage. Give it a try, Rich! Half of these people is drunk, and the other half is drinking anyway, so what could they do?

— Laugh at me!

— That’s the point of stand-up comedy, you know, right? 

— I know, dumbass! You understand me! They would be laughing at the silly boy who thinks he's funny.

— You’re funny, idiot! But… What if we make a deal? 

— What kind of deal?

— You go upstage, you talk shit, and if they laugh at you, we go back home and I’ll make you feel better. All night long. 

— All night long?

— I’ll even bring a Gatorade.

— What if they like me?

— Then, we celebrate. All night long. — Eddie licked his lower lip, teasing. Richie visibly gasped.

— What would I have to do? 

— It’s 15 minutes long, you can wrap it up before if you feel like it. They haven't opened the list for tonight yet, so you have some time to figure out what you’ll babble about. What do you say? Fifteen minutes for all night long?

— Sounds fair. If it doesn’t end with my complete humiliation.

— Don’t be overdramatic! And you might even get money out of it, amateurs get fifty percent from the application fee. It’s 10 dollars only, don’t look at me like that! — Eddie chuckled and took off his pocket the 10 dollar. — This is how much I trust you and your funny ass!

For Richie’s amusement, he walked out and really sign him up. "Fuck! One night and I'm already doing whatever he asks", he shook his head, watching Eddie continue with his work. Now all he had to do was come up with an 15-minute act, something that should be easy… if he ever did it before. 

"Fuck you, Eddie, and your convincing ways to make me embarrass myself!", he thought, with part of a script coming together in his mind. When the presenter called his name, it was… Showtime?

— Hi, my name is Richie Tozier, but I’m usually called Trashmouth, and you're about to find out why!

Eddie couldn’t be more right. Richie not only lasted the 15 minutes, but he was also cheered. People were cackling at his jokes and his funny voices, and he even did the Speedy Gonzales, that he knew it was Eddie's all time favorite.

— See! I said you'd do great! 100 bucks in one night, it’s almost what I do in a week! — Eddie said in a whisper, when they were walking back home from the subway.

— And people were actually laughing at my jokes! For real!

— Of course they were, you’re amazing! And funny as fuck, they don’t see that everyday, I guarantee! And now we have something to celebrate!

Richie didn’t forget it. He actually did his best for that exact reason (he cared very little for the money, but it wasn’t bad either). So, when they got home, his shirt was already off.

— You’re in a bit of a hurry, huh?

— You know I was promised all night long and it’s past midnight, so you can see the kind of stress I’m under. — Richie said, falling on the bed.

Eddie crawled over his body and took off his glasses, leaning on for his lips.

— There’s something poking me in your pocket, Rich… — he mumbled between kisses.

— Yeah…?

— There’s something  _ else _ , Rich. — Eddie stick his hand in and took out the gift Richie got earlier that day. — A tape?

— Oh, I forgot it, sorry.

— You bought it? I never heard of this band.

— Sandy gave me, she thought I might like it. — Richie explained and Eddie’s expression changed. — What?

— Why did she give you a gift?

— I don’t know, maybe she wanted share music she liked with someone.

— And she picked my  _ boyfriend  _ to share music with?

— You know what we could be doing instead of having this conversation, right? Come here, Eds. I know the perfect way to make you forget about that tape…

He knew, and he was great at it too. Eddie quickly let go of his jealousy and dived into their hot mess. 

When he was younger, he used to think it was stupid to use the expression "making love" to describe sex. For him, it was all physical and even a bit gross; so use love as a euphemism for lust was too silly. But when he was inside Richie, almost like they were two broken pieces trying to shove themselves back together to make something whole, he understood what really meant "making love". And now it was all that he wanted.

— Fuck, Eddie… I can’t… — Richie never finished his sentence, 'cause his words turned into moans that he was trying to keep down. No neighbor complained yet, but they both knew some might have heard them fuck.

Eddie was caught in between "Fuck, how am I supposed to last all night long with him looking this gorgeous?!" and "Fuck, I’m hard again!". All the weirdness of the "first time" (if they were to discount their numerous other "first times") was gone and there was only pleasure. It was almost morning when they felt finally done.

— I love you.

A faint chuckle.

— I love you too.

Life could not be any better. Sunday, they were lazy in bed, no worries (till it was time for Eddie to go to work, at least). Delicious and sweet, like every morning should be. They had some leftovers for lunch and all day to themselves, so if perfection didn’t exist, they were the next best thing.

Which was useful to deal with the bullshit at work, Eddie later figured out. A well dressed man, older than him, half bald and totally rude, came closer and asked what did he have to pay for Eddie to make him "feel good all night long too".

— What?

The guy insisted, saying that he heard Eddie came with the prize of Amateurs' night and if 100 bucks was his price, he was on.

— You must have misheard something, sir.

— But you went home with that other guy yesterday, didn’t you? I know what I heard, boy, and I'm just asking, I'm just asking…

Eddie told him to fuck off and walked away. He thought he had made sure no one would listen to them last night, but that was scary. And the guy kept looking at him through the night; very subtle but Eddie could feel his eyes following his steps. He only felt safe back at home.

— What a jerk! — Richie said, holding him gently after listening to the whole case. — So sorry, Eds.

— Yeah… I hope he doesn't creep up there Tuesday too. It kinda freaked me out the way he was looking at me.

Richie was freaking out too. He should have paid more attention too, he could have seen the creepy dude eavesdropping on them like a motherfucker…

— It’s gonna be alright.


	4. Four

There was no easy way to tell Sandy on monday that he didn’t quite like the song she gave him. It was alright at best, but not his style. She laughed at his overpolitiness and said she would "keep trying till she figured him out". He thanked, but all his mind could think of was in ways to make Eddie feel safe. 

Mondays were Eddie’s day off, so he was waiting back home when Richie arrived and they had a nice dinner and even made laundry night romantic.

— And then this boy comes up to me and sta-ta-tarts st-t-t-tuttering and I kid you not, it t-t-t-took him half an hour to say he wanted the “I-I-I will a-always love you” cassette! So much effort for something that must play in the radio all the fucking time! And then Sandy stuttered all day just to make fun of me, 'cause she said I looked desperate every time the boy opened his mouth! Like I could kill us both!

Sitting on the dryer while waiting for their clean clothes, Eddie laughed out loud.

— Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone stuttering that bad! — Richie said and something stung in the back of Eddie’s mind, but he didn’t mention it. He couldn’t remember anyone stuttering either.

"I like when we’re doing laundry together", Richie thought, when they were folding it. "It makes me feel like we’re an old married couple". 

In fact, they felt so well that both allowed themselves to forget that there was a world outside of their own. No other thing deserved their attention other than themselves. 

So, when Tuesday night arrived and Richie was putting their dinner on the fridge, he was really surprised to see Eddie back already.

— Did you miss something? — he asked, before realizing the other boy was fighting his tears.

— Yeah, my dignity in a gutter!

— Hey, what happened? 

— They sent me away, Rich! Someone complained about my "behavior" and they decided to let me go.

— Fuck! Do you think it was that dude?

— I don't know, it was my first thought too. Fuck, how is that fair? I lose my job only 'cause I won't put up with harassment? What am I supposed to do then? 

— You did nothing wrong, Eddie. That's just… Fucked up. 

— It wasn’t much, but it helped with the bills. And you did such a good show there... I can’t fucking believe I lost it! 

Richie felt powerless. Eddie felt like a fucking roach someone just stepped on. What could they do? How could they go against the world if they were small and the world was huge? 

— No. I won't let you feel like this, Eds.

— Like I'm garbage? 'Cause I'm already feeling.

— I know what we're gonna do. 

Eddie dried his eyes with his hands, not looking very excited to hear Richie’s idea, and curled up on the bed. He didn’t want to say it out loud, but he was feeling dirty - not in the good way.

— I’m gonna call sick tomorrow and we're gonna have our little trip to Coney Island! 

— Don’t, we can’t risk you losing your job too...

— I won't, it’s just one day. I wanted to take you somewhere nice with that hundred bucks we got that other day. And you really wanted to… go on a ride there, right?

—  _ You _ got, Rich. You deserve this money and I don’t think you should spend it on me.

— Hey. — Richie sat by his side and touched his cheek. — I wanna spend the day with you and have fun with my boyfriend! I love you. And I love more each time I look into your eyes. I can’t watch you feeling like this and do nothing about it… I know there ain't much I can do, but I want you to know that I’m always by your side, and I'm gonna do all that I can.

Eddie turned to face him. He didn’t like looking frightened in front of Richie, always trying to act like he knew where they’re heading to, what they should do. But right now, he was crushed and all he wanted was a solace. 

So, as a boy in desperate need of affection, Eddie pulled Richie and kissed him. It was almost violent in a certain way, but all he wanted was to feel alright again, and Richie didn’t seem to mind. "Just make me whole again, Rich, please…".

Kissing every visible inch of skin as if his lips could mend what was broken inside, Richie wished he could push away all the sadness. Eddie was sobbing and that sound was enough to break his heart. 

— It's gonna be alright, love. — Richie played with Eddie’s hair, comforting him. — We have each other, nothing can get to us when we’re together.

— I want to go to Coney Island with you tomorrow. — Eddie said, in a low voice that sounded nothing like Eds. But he wasn’t crying anymore, so that was a good sign. Right?

— Then it’s a date. I'll call tomorrow morning and we go. We live right beside it, what took us so long to go?

No answer. Eddie just buried his face on Richie’s chest, snuggling on him. All Richie could do was hold him tight, trying to convince himself that “yeah, everything will be ok if we stick together”.

They didn’t do anything that night. For some reason, when Eddie finally dozed off, the song Sandy had shown him came back to Richie’s mind. “ _ All I needed was the love you gave, all I needed for another day, and all I’ve ever knew… Only you _ ”. He had not been fair with the song, it had a nice chorus, and it gave him some hope. Maybe Eddie would wake up feeling a little better in the morning and their date wouldn’t just cheer him up, but actually make him feel happy. He dared to hope.

— Are you sure you wanna do this today? — Eddie asked, still curled up in bed, watching Richie get dressed. — We could wait until Sunday and you won’t have to skip work. 

— I said it’s gonna be fine. And we’re in need of a time out just for us two. Today, I don’t want you to think about anything, other than how awesome your boyfriend is. Can you do this for me? — Eddie nodded with a weak smile. His eyes were still a little puffy from the night before, but neither he nor Richie felt the need to address that. 

Since he had a clean record on the shop, the little lie Richie told on the payphone in front of their building was received with worry and wishes of a speedy recovery. In any other situation, maybe it would make him feel bad for lying, but all he wanted was to make Eddie happy, make him laugh and smile and feel good again.

The day was sunny and warm and Coney Island was just a few stations away, so they got there really fast and Richie made sure to buy tickets for every single fucking ride of the park. And whatever the hell he saw in front of his eyes, just to distract Eddie.

— Hum… I’m feeling a vanilla cone, do you want one?

— Sure. It’s your  _ extravaganza _ anyway…

— It’s not an  _ extravaganza _ , I’m having my first date with my boyfriend and I want it to be perfect!

“It’s perfect, Rich…”, Eddie wanted to say, accepting the ice cream. “If only your boyfriend wasn’t feeling like a piece of shit…”. He chose not to ruin the date, and it was possibly for the best. Walking down the beach, sharing a pretzel and finally riding the  _ Cyclone _ (and watching Richie vomiting his heart out afterwards) took his head from the creepy dude from the other night.

— It wasn’t the ride, I got food poisoning from something I ate here. It’s simple.

— Yeah, it is. You have a weak stomach! That’s so cute!

— Food poisoning, ok? — Richie replied, but not really caring, ‘cause Eddie was laughing and he felt like he could live only out of that sound. 

They saved the  _ Wonder Wheel _ for last, trying to get a good view of the sunset from up there. The crowd for the ferris wheel was wild, but they had all the time in the world. 

— Would you be… Embarrassed if I kissed you on the top of the ride?

— Why would I be?

— I would totally understand if you felt like… Not comfortable kissing me in public.

— What…? Wait a second… Are you blaming yourself? For me losing my job?

— I… I’m just… — Richie tried to dodge, but Eddie glared at him and there was no way out. — I went there that night to see you and I started talking shit and we got caught up. So it was kinda my fault.

— Of course it’s not! Who in their normal brain would act the way that dude did? He was the problem, Rich! Not you and not me. He was on the wrong. Please don’t tell me you planned this whole dating thing trying to apologize for something you didn’t do.

— No, no. I really wanted to have a nice date with you! I mean, I like the time we spend together at home, but it's good to be out too, have fun and some fresh air…

— Good. — Eddie caught Richie’s face between his hands and looked up. — Who’d even see us up on the top? The birds, Rich? 

— Fuck, I wanna kiss you right now!

— I’m not gonna stop you, if you really want to.

— You sure? 

— I don’t wanna lose magic moments with you because I'm afraid of what people may think. I don’t wanna miss any of your kisses, not a single one of them. So if you don’t kiss me right now, Rich, I’m gonna have to kiss you!

Richie couldn’t resist that offer, and the next second, they were on each other’s faces, not giving a damn if people around would look. "It's you and me, buddy. Just you and me". If kissing in line was good, up on the top of the ferris wheel was even greater. The sun wasn’t set yet, but the view was breathtaking nonetheless. 

— Thanks for planning this amazing day, … — Eddie started saying, but he got that blur in his mind mid-sentence. — … sweetheart.

— My pleasure,… babe. 

It was all there, the same loving eyes, and the kisses so sweet, the arms so nice around his shoulders, but still, something was missing. The more he looked, the less sense it would make - like an image with so many layers over it that you can't actually see any of them. 

"Maybe it was the heights", Eddie explained to himself, when they put both feet on the ground and there was Richie again. His Richie, same as always. "Or that corn dog was  _ really  _ bad".

— A… — Richie put his hands in his pockets, looking for something. — Nickel for your thoughts?

— A nickel? I don’t think my thoughts are that expensive! Or interesting at all!

— God dammit, Eddie, I got one nickel only. So take my money and spit it out!

— I was thinking I'm running out of inhaler refills, and I need to get some before september..?

Richie looked at him like he had spoken in a foreign language. 

— I love when you talk romance to me… Since when do you need an inhaler, Eds?

— Since ever? — Eddie took it out of his pocket. — I have asthma. You know that.

— I know… Well, it must have slipped my mind. Yeah, you’re always with this thing, right? Battery acid.

— What’s battery acid? 

— Your inhaler, it smells like battery acid, doesn’t it?

— It’s camphor! It smells good!

Richie laughed; he weirdly liked the camphor smell that lingered in Eddie’s mouth, sometimes in his clothes. He never thought about the reason for the smell, though. 

— I should be thinking about what could we do to end this perfect day, right?

— I’d like to hear your thoughts on that matter, yeah.

By the time they arrived home, both boys had a very clear idea of what they wanted to do. 

— Fuck… — Richie mumbled, falling by Eddie’s side tired and pulling the sheets to cover. He always felt so good riding on top of Eddie that it was hard to remember the rest of the world existed. It was like they could be there forever. — You’re… I’m… Fuck! 

— I love how you... Don’t make any sense after sex! — Eddie laughed, taking a sip of the Gatorade he kept beside the bed (which showed itself very helpful on these occasions), looking at his lover and Richie just gave him the middle finger, just to make him laugh more. He pulled Richie to his arms to seal their lips. — Thanks, Rich.

— For what?

— For everything. For being an awesome boyfriend, for taking me out today… For every day we've been together.

— It's my pleasure… — he left a kiss on Eddie’s chest, feeling that a big part of the sadness from the night before had dissipated and they were alright again. Richie felt proud of himself, for doing whatever he could to make the love of his life feel better after what had happened. "Hey, this love thing ain’t easy, so let me do the hard part for us, ok?", he thought, resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder and falling asleep. 

Even though they had a busy day, Eddie made sure to drive Richie to work the next morning, saying he wanted to spend all time possible together. "Let’s grab breakfast together! Something other than black coffee and burnt toast!". Eddie just wanted to feel useful again, 'cause he knew how bad his mood would get if he stayed at home all day.

— I think you should go back to fixing stuff. — Richie answered when Eddie asked what he should do. They were sitting in Eddie's car and he was sipping on his chocolate milkshake. Eddie got them bagels with cream cheese too. — You do it so well and it made all of our neighbors like us, decreasing our chances of being stabbed, which is priceless! 

— But living costs money, Rich.  _ Real _ money. We can’t rely on their sympathy only… And even if we could, it’s been a while since anyone asked me to fix anything, anyways… 

— What are you talking about? Last week, Mrs. Dane came with a toaster and you made the damn thing work in a second! — the boy remembered, stuffing his mouth with a bagel. — And don’t forget that you fixed our microwave this month too. Saved us a few bucks.

— You paid me with a blowjob. — Eddie added, making the other one almost choke.

— When you put it like that, makes it seem like I did it only 'cause of that but if I remember it well, those were two separate moments! I like my food warm but damn! Have some respect!

— But you see my problem, right? I know Mrs. Dane lives alone and she’s just as fucked up with money as you and I... I couldn’t charge her the full price. And I won't charge  _ you _ anything either. But I need the money.

Richie knew they weren’t so desperate as Eddie made it seem. His own paycheck wasn’t much, yeah, but it was enough to keep them going. They had no debts to pay and their home was almost fully furnished. So he knew that  _ money _ wasn’t exactly the word Eddie meant.

— What would you like to do? If you could choose any job in the world, what would you be doing right now? 

Eddie thought. What did he like to do? It’d been so long since he last thought about it… He would do most anything to get a paycheck at the end of the month (as he did last few weeks, serving tables in a shithole), but what would he  _ like _ to do? 

— I have no fucking idea. Maybe… Driving? I think.

— That’s good. Now all you have to find is a way to make a profession out of it.

— Easy peasy lemon squeezy, right? — Eddie mocked. 

— No! It's gonna be difficult difficult lemon on your eyes! But who knows? Maybe it will pay off and you'll find something you really like to do.

Eddie looked at Richie. His words made sense, more than he expected; it wouldn’t be easy, but if he started looking for something he really wanted to do (and was good at, too!), instead of knocking at any door… Maybe he would find his real passion.

— What about you? What would you be doing if you could? 

Richie took a deep breath and then took Eddie’s wrist to watch his clock.

— I gotta go. Thanks for breakfast, babe. — Eddie rolled his eyes and Richie gave him a quick peck before walking out of the car.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thunder only happens when it's raining...

Richie didn’t mean it when it happened the first time. He told himself it would be very uncomfortable, it wasn’t right and he shouldn’t be doing it on Eddie’s back, which made him feel doubly guilty the moment he arrived home and blatantly lied to Eddie’s face, saying he had some extra service on the record shop and that was the reason why he was coming home so late. 

The second time was even worse, because he caught himself thinking about staying out  _ longer _ and what lie would make it believable. “Eddie is waiting for me at home and I ain’t shit!”. He ran back home and made love out of his boyfriend in a way to make it up to him. But he didn’t tell the truth. “I’m full of shit”.

Before he could have a third night, though, three weeks after their Coney Island getaway, Eddie surprised him in the front of the record shop with great news.

— You were right! You were so fucking right and you’re brilliant!

— What happened? 

— I got a job as a fucking driver. Well, not a driver, I’m gonna be an “apprentice” till I’m 18. But there’s a place that offers drivers for parties and stuff like that and… I begged them to hire me and they agreed on letting me take the test. And I’m in! They said I’m so good that it's worthy to keep me around.

— That’s great, babe! — Richie pulled him to a kiss, ignoring the fact that they were still in the parking lot and anyone could see them. — I knew you’d do much better than that… Shithole of bad comedy!

— I wouldn’t get this job if you haven’t pushed me to look for what I liked to do. You won’t believe the numbers they offered me, Rich! It’s like… Fuck! I’m so excited!

— I’m happy for you, Eds! We should celebrate! Where do you wanna go?

They ended up on the first McDonald’s they found, but it was perfect. The last three weeks had been hard on Eddie ‘cause all he could think of, night and day, was finding that one job Richie talked about.

Although Richie laughed it off everytime he brought the subject, he knew that his worries were messing up even with his sexual performances, so this night, with all the rush in his body, he wanted to make it up to him. 

— Kiss me.

— Suck my neck.

Eddie lied on the bed and pulled Richie over him, unbuttoning his shirt to reveal the chest of his beloved. Richie unzipped Eddie’s pants and forced it down, feeling him getting hard against his crotch.

— I want you so much…

— I’m already yours… I am all yours.

— I love you.

Richie jerked him off a few times, making Eddie moan just before taking both pants off and grabbing that ass. "You’re all mine, and I'm all yours". Richie got the condom on the bedside table.

— Give me a sip of the Gatorade.

— Come get it. — Eddie put some in his mouth and Richie bit his lip, lowering to kiss him again and share the drink. For some reason, it reminded Eddie of a very specific memory he wasn’t quite sure if was real; he and Richie, sharing a popsicle in a kitchen. When was that? It felt like another life…

Every thought in Richie's head slipped away the moment he felt Eddie inside of him; and as soon as he started to move his hips, no worries, no guilties, nothing else mattered. Not that he agreed with Eddie when he apologized for not doing his best in bed, but he really missed having Eddie's eyes all to himself.

— Yeah, Rich... it feels so… fucking… Gosh, you’re so good!

Richie moaned loudly, enjoying the sensation of having Eddie’s hands on his cock while he was riding him. "Yeah, it’s been kinda long since you last loved me this good… I don’t blame you, Eds… I just miss you so bad...". 

— You look so beautiful when we’re like this… — Eddie said, after they were finished, when his heartbeat slowed down. Richie was lying over him, caressing his neck with the tips of his fingers. — I love you so much, Rich… 

Breathing heavily, Richie tried to answer him with something other than an indistinct mumble. He said it much better with a kiss.

— We could stay like this forever… Wish I could be here with you like this...

Richie thought Eddie would be flipping his shit if they spend all day in bed - let alone  _ forever _ . The past weeks, while he was looking for work, Eddie was a bit of a pain in the ass (not the kind Richie expected), even when he tried not to. It was not his fault though, the boy kept repeating to himself every time Eddie got on his nerves.

— Wanna go again? 

— You know me so well!

And just like that, they went all night celebrating. 

Richie woke up early the next morning, in need of a shower. He took a look at Eddie sleeping by his side, seeming much more at ease than ever before. Not only because of the sex, it was good to have him back to his normal self… 

Of course, he liked very much being fucked right and all night long like last night, but what he was missing the most was his best friend, not only the boyfriend part, but the trust that made them run away in the first place. He didn’t like to feel like they were miles apart in the same bed, but almost every night Eddie spent unemployed, that’s exactly what felt like.

That was what he was running from the night he went back to the stand-up bar by himself. 

After his shift was over and he felt ashamed of not wanting to go home  _ yet _ , having nothing more than comforting words to Eddie. He felt even worse whenever he came through the door feeling unhappy with his job 'cause it was a reminder that Eddie didn’t have even that. "I know I’m not enough to make him feel better…", but thinking about only made him sadder, and then he remembered the cheers from that stupid contest he won.

People liked his jokes and he liked telling them. Wouldn’t hurt going back for an encore… Right?

— Rich, are you ok? You feeling alright? — Eddie knocked.

— Yeah, I’ll come out in a minute.

He wasn’t sure if Eddie would be upset for him going there, so it was better to leave it unsaid. 

— You won’t be taking your car to work anymore, right? — Richie asked, coming out of the bathroom with only a towel.

— I don’t know. Why? Do you wanna ride?

— No, it’s just… Our morning rides are my  _ second _ favorite part of the day. Sitting in the car, having breakfast together...

— I’ll take you! We won’t have to stop doing it all! Let me just… change my clothes and we go!

Seeing Eddie run excited to get his stuff made Richie chuckle. That was the boy he fell in love with and to watch him get dragged down so many times on a roll, incapable of doing anything… Dragged Richie down too.

— Do you know what time you’re gonna be back?

— I’ll be home at dinner time, probably. They said I wouldn’t be doing late night rides yet. Do you have any plans for tonight?

— Let’s see how your first day goes.... Maybe I can congratulate you again tonight.

Eddie laughed, watching Richie go to the record shop. He wasn’t blind and Richie wasn’t great lying at him either; they didn’t dream about a luxurious life when they first came to New York, but three months in and… All they could do was pay bills and try to survive through the week.

Of course there were fun things they could do with short money, like their Coney Island trip, but Eddie _ wasn’t blind _ . He saw Richie’s smile slowly fading out through the days and kept promising himself he wouldn’t let it fade away completely, but it was harder and harder each day. And then, Richie started staying late hours on the shop and it was all because of Eddie, 'cause he couldn’t find a job.

Staying at home was getting on his nerves, but he didn’t want to risk getting on Richie’s, trying to stay away whenever he felt in a bad mood. So yeah, maybe it was his fault that they felt so apart…

But Eddie hoped things would change with his new job. At least now he was feeling fulfilled, so he could fulfil Richie too. His co-workers were better than he expected and the job was very simple. Things were on their way to get better and better, in his plans. With his new income, they could even plan on finding a better place to stay…

— I like our place! — Richie said when Eddie brought the idea first, while they were together on the bed.

— Yeah, I like it too… But don’t you wanna move in to somewhere bigger? With a decent kitchen, and a bathtub, maybe?

But a few weeks later, Richie felt even more away from him. One Saturday night, he arrived terribly late and found his boyfriend sitting in the front seat of their car, in the driveway. It could seem as if he was sleeping there, but Eddie knew him well.

— What happened? — Eddie asked, getting in the car and sitting on the driver's seat.

— Sandy said she’s leaving.

— Did she get fired?

— No. She got a better job. She's moving to Washington.

— Must be one hell of a job then… — Eddie said. — When will she leave?

— In two weeks…

— Did she give you this tape too? 

— Yes. I liked this song…

A woman's voice was singing about the rain washing things away. It was cool, Eddie thought, watching Richie rewind the tape to listen again.

— Are you upset at me?

— I’m upset, that’s all. Are you mad at me?

— Why would I be?

"If you knew what I did today, you would be pissed… even if I showed you the hundred dollars I made out of it".

— Why are you down here? It’s cold and dark. It’s almost 2 a.m..

— It's not cold in here. And I like the dark. And I love sitting in your car…

— Why are you upset, Rich? 

— Why do you think?

— I know I’ve been late every day this week, and I missed laundry night again, I'm sorry! Let me make it up to you, let’s do something tomorrow!

— I said it doesn’t have anything with you, Eddie. I’m just… frustrated.

— Talk to me, Rich… 

Richie heard Eddie's plea, but he didn’t feel like talking. There was nothing to talk about… And what would he say anyway? He was upset about the fact that his only friend in the fucking city was moving out for good? Or that he had won the Amateurs' night again and he couldn’t even tell Eddie 'cause he was too afraid of what his reaction would be? 

Or maybe, it was because the bar manager came to him that night, after he finished his act. "You’re really good, Trashmouth. Would you think about leaving Amateurs' night for amateurs and make your own show here? We have tuesday free, if you want to try… I can't promise we'll pay much, but at least your name will be written on the front door cardboard".

— I just had a bad day, Eds… — he said, and it wasn’t a lie, even if it felt like one. Eddie put his hand on Richie’s face, caressing his cheek. Richie turned to kiss him with lips that tasted like soda and something else that Eddie couldn’t figure out.

— Can I make it better? Have you eaten dinner already? 

— No… I think I lost track of time. Maybe we should go upstairs, right? Have you eaten anything today?

They had some Chinese leftovers and Eddie went straight to the shower. They had stopped "saving hot water" and Richie tried to remember when. Was it after that douche hit on Eddie? Or maybe it was even before… He couldn’t be sure.

After a while, they even stopped bickering on each other or saying dumb stuff. Almost like there was no Richie and Eddie anymore. Just two strangers who occasionally had sex. "Eds is not to blame… I’m the one who's lying and chicken out all the time…", but deep down, he felt like it was a little Eddie’s fault too.

— I didn’t think you would be that sad about me leaving, Rich! Cheer up, boy! There’s still one week till you get to miss me for good! — Sandy said, jokingly, when they were cleaning up the mess some teenagers made. Richie wondered why she was still being super helpful when she really didn’t have to, but "that’s just how Sandy goes, I guess". — Now seriously, what's up? 

— I’m cleaning up vomit from some random girl who didn’t know she shouldn’t be partying on weekdays. It's fucking tuesday! What’s up with that?

— You came here this morning looking like shit, so don’t blame lil Pam's throw up for your shitty look. Is everything alright with you? Did you have a fight with your roommate?

How could Richie tell her anything without sounding suspicious? Tell that he was mad at Eddie for missing another laundry night without sounding a resentful lover instead of an angry roommate? He didn’t care about doing most of the chores now that Eddie was working fucked up hours, but… He had promised to make it up to him.

— Why would you say that?

— Well, I'm a good detective. The S in CSI if for Sandy, don’t you know?

— Crime Sandy Investigation? — He said in a bland tone and the girl laughed out loud. — I really gonna miss your laugh, Sandy… And your music recommendations… I really liked the last one you gave me.

— So you’re a Fleetwood Mac kind of boy? Not bad for my second guess.

— But I liked the  _ Dreams  _ track more than the others.

— Really? Why?

— I don’t know, I think it sounded so… Raw and honest, like, she sounded clearly upset and… Tired of it.

— Stevie Nicks is amazing. 

Richie nodded and kept doing his cleaning. He wished he could share with her (with anyone, in fact) that the song gave him the lonely feeling of an empty bed. The same empty bed he didn’t want to stay on saturday night.

— Hey, Rich? 

— Yes?

— Do you have a bigger plan?

— Excuse me, a  _ what _ ?

Sandy laughed.

— What you wanna do with your life?

— What? Only 'cause you got a big figure job everyone gotta do the same? 

— Not everyone. Gotta be honest, I don’t see much potential in anyone else here... — she giggled, being snarky for the first time since Richie met her. — But you… I highly doubt you'd like to be selling records for the rest of your life.

— Some people have… Weird dreams. Mine is to sell as many Michael Jackson's albums as I can before I hit the grave.

— Morbid. 

— Yeah. That's why I'm ok with this job. — Richie said when he was done cleaning.

— Don’t you have any goals? Any plans? Any hobbies? 

He stopped for a second. Would sneak out for a stand-up comedy bar and put on a show under the name of Trashmouth be considered a hobby? "The manager called me 'professional', so maybe no…".

— I'm just saying that 'cause I don’t want you to end up like John. — Sandy pointed to the colleague. Months after Richie’s first day, John still looked at him like he had taken the boy out of his nose. — I know you’re like, what? 18?

— I’m 17, but thanks.

— Gee, you’re still a kid! But yeah, you’re 17 and I bet you lose lots of good opportunities because of this job when you should be doing stupid things and falling in love and this kind of shit, not only thinking about work.

— Some people call it "having responsibilities".

— I’d call it "wasting your youth". You never talk about going out or having fun! Have you ever even kissed anyone before?

Richie could still feel Eddie's lips against his perfectly, but he kept quiet.

— I thought so. — Sandy approached and pressed her lips against his, backing away in two seconds. — I like you, Rich, and I don’t want you to be unhappy. So don’t be it, ok?

He barely acknowledged the kiss, but the words she said stuck with him all day. After that first night ("the one that cost Eddie’s job…"), he felt like the stage was where he wanted to be, with the applause and the drunken crowd. If things hadn’t gone sour, he would probably follow Eddie to work every night and they would share good laughs. 

But after he had been harassed by that creepy dude and was fired because of it, how could Richie ask Eddie to go back there? He even tried to find some other bar around with the same style, but there was none.

"If Eddie comes pick me up tonight, I won't go there and fuck my name on the fucking cardboard", he told himself, before leaving, not sure of what he wanted more. 

But Eddie’s car was nowhere to be seen when he walked out. So he ran to the bar again, and accepted being the name of the cardboard on tuesdays.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If I could  
> Maybe I'd give you my world  
> How can I  
> When you won't take it from me"

Eddie looked the other way when he found a pack of Luckies on Richie’s stuff. So that was the taste he couldn’t recognize on his kiss before… 

He was too afraid to ask when did Richie start to smoke and make things sour with his lover again. Their relationship had seen better days, but he noticed that on the past month, Richie's mood had improved a lot. Sometimes, he would even hear him laughing by himself.

He didn’t complain about the cigarettes (or the smell it left on his car when Richie would spend the night there, listening to music) mostly because he was feeling guilty for spending so little time with Richie. After a very short period on the job, he started to do night shifts and important events and time was completely out of his control.

But when he ran into Melinda, a girl that worked as a waitress at that shithole comedy bar, in late October, and she said it was “super unfair” that the manager kept that Trashmouth guy and fired Eddie, it got him by surprise.

— Trashmouth? You mean, Richie Tozier? 

— Yeah, I guess that was his name. 

— He still goes there?

— Last time I saw, he was the tuesday act. 

— You must be mistaken… He would only go on Amateurs’ night.

— Yes, he went there on Amateurs’ for a while, but now he’s doing the main act. With his name on the front door and all. But anyway, how have you been? This uniform looks so much better on you, Eddie!

He excused himself with no time for small talk and ran home as fast as he could. Richie wouldn’t be going to the stand-up bar without telling him, right? Whenever he mentioned the bar, he would use many variations of the word “shithole” and point out how bad the comedians were there. Why would he go back? And get a regular act? What the fuck?!

— Hey, you’re home early! — Richie said when Eddie opened the door. It had become so unusual for them to have dinner together that it didn’t surprise Eddie to see him eating alone. — What happened?

— I finished earlier.

— Great! I brought some pasta, your half is in the fridge, if you haven’t eaten yet.

Eddie nodded but didn’t move a bit.

— Is everything alright, Eddie? 

— Why do you ask?

— I don’t know, you look so… Disturbed.

— Do you think I’d lie to you if it was something serious?

Richie blinked a few times, confused by the question, but he smiled. 

— No, but…

— So why are you lying to me?

— How am I lying to you?

— You’ve been going to the stand-up bar, haven’t you?

None of them ever heard silence so loud. Eddie wanted to scream.

— How did you know?

— I ran into an old coworker and she told me you were not only going to Amateurs’ night but… You got a regular deal there too. Is that true?

Richie nodded.

— Let’s talk, I can explain it all. But you need to calm down.

— I am calm, Rich. — Eddie answered, but his hands were clearly shaking, no matter how hard he closed them. — Is that why you didn’t tell me? ‘Cause you thought I would freak out you got a job at the same bar I got fired from? 

— I thought you would be offended that I went back there after what happened. You would be against it.

— And instead of talking to me, you decided to go there behind my back? Dick move.

— I would have talked to you if I ever saw you! 

— Now it’s my fault?

— It’s nobody’s fault, Ed! But we barely talk anymore, and when you come home early, that’s what you want to talk!

— You know I’m working my ass off for us! 

— And so am I! Everyday since we got here! I’ve been doing my best to keep us going but it’s not enough for you! It’s  _ never enough _ for you! — Richie yelled back and he was already on the verge of tears. — I was so happy when you started working as a driver, but if I knew what it would cost… 

— What did it cost, Rich?

— You! It feels like I lost you, everyday you’re not home by 2 a.m. and I don’t have a fucking idea of where you are. So I’m sorry if I offended you by going to the bar and enjoyed having people laugh at my jokes! I made money out of it, if that’s what you’re  _ so _ worried about!

Eddie gulped. He didn’t want to fight, didn’t want to cry nor make Richie cry… He wanted him to say that the girl was mistaken and forget about the whole mess.

— My problem is not about you making your act, I was the one who encouraged you to go there the first time, if you don’t remember! What pissed me off is that you lied! How long have you been lying?

— Just a few… Weeks.

— Since when, Rich?

— August. — he said, very timidly. He knew Eddie would do the math by himself.

— So you didn’t even wait, huh? All those nights you came home late, when you said you had extra service, you were presenting there? You were having fun with people cheering you up while I was at home, mad at myself for being a burden on you?

— You were never a burden, Eddie! It was just a hobby at the beginning, I wanted to see if I had it in me.

— That’s the thing that hurts me the most, Rich… I knew you had it in you, always knew. But you didn’t want me to know! You shut me down! And I still don’t understand why!

— Because I couldn’t handle the pain of coming home and seeing you here, unhappy all day, and do nothing about.

— And your solution was to leave me thinking you had to work extra hours because I was out of job? How did that help you? To leave me here, watching you come home late and, instead of share with me your jokes and laughs, you preferred to keep it to yourself… 

Richie didn’t answer. He wanted to share with Eddie, but at the same time, it was a way out of the disaster their domestic life was becoming. If he gave away his hiding spot, where would he hide?

— I don’t like when you lie to me. 

— And I don’t like when you act all high and mighty like you didn’t do anything wrong.

— What did I do?

— How long has it been since we’ve dined together? Or showered together? Fuck, how long has it been since we had a fucking night for ourselves? It’s been  _ too _ long, Eddie! Ever since you got this job, it seems like you forgot the reason why we moved in together!

Again, the silence could have eaten both boys up, so violent it was. It wasn’t unnoticed for Eddie that once again, his worries got in the way of everything else and he knew he could be somewhat selfish sometimes… 

— We both stopped looking for each other and now... We’re not even looking at each other.

— You don’t like me anymore? — was all Eddie could ask, afraid of the answer, but Richie chuckled the tears away and touched his face.

— I do. I still love you like I always will. It’s just… Sometimes, I can’t recognize you. I can’t recognize myself and my head is so hazy. 

— I get it. I feel like that too.

— I’m happy that you’re happy with your work, I really am. But I need you to understand that I’m so unhappy on mine that I had to look for something I really wanted to do. And you were right, I am funny and doing stand-up is cool.

Eddie nodded, happy that Richie was doing something to ease up his life, but still very hurt that it was behind his back. 

— Actually... I got a big job offering this week. And I really wanted to talk to you about it…

— What is it?

— A small talk show is looking for a co-host or something like that. It’s stand-up for television.

— Sounds big.

— Yeah… — Richie took a deep breath. — It’s in L.A.

— L.A. as Los Angeles, California?

— Do you know any other L.A.?

— How did you get that offering?

Richie didn’t expect that question. At least, not right now. With his eyebrows, Eddie demanded an answer.

— I sent an audition tape. Someone told me they were looking for funny young people, so I thought I should give it a shot. It was just a test.

— But you got called back…?

“Not actually”, Richie was tempted to say. He sent his tape weeks ago, and last tuesday, a guy came asking for him. He was an agent from the network who got his audition and came personally offer him the job. “You see, boy, that’s not how we usually work, but you have the type of talent we’re looking for. So I was sent here to make sure you’re gonna accept it!”. Riche asked if he could think about it for a few days, which didn’t make the guy much happy, but he agreed. No pressure at all.

— Tell me, Rich!

— They are expecting my answer by Saturday.

— And what you gonna say? — the boy asked, but it almost like he knew the answer already. It was on everything, now that he’d think about it, Rich’s kisses and his distant touches… It was all there.

— They are offering the deal of a lifetime, Eddie! It’s my big plan, my dream! What can I say?

— Are you saying you gonna move to Los Angeles?

— We could go there together, Eddie! If you want to, you can drive there too, for celebrities even. — Richie kissed Eddie’s cheek and his lips, a million times, trying to get closer. — Can you imagine that? You and me and the fucking Golden Coast, we could get the bigger apartment you’ve been dreaming of, or maybe even a house…

— You fucking... Bastard.

— What? 

— After all that “find something you like” bullshit, now you tell me that I can drive anywhere so, fuck what I want, right? Fuck what I’ve build here in New York ‘cause who am I next to Trashmouth and his funny voices and jokes, right?!

— Eddie, you’re being really stupid right now!

— Yes, I really am stupid! I was so stupid for believing when I thought you’d care about me!

— Don’t you dare say I don’t care about you, Eddie! Not after everything I did! You don’t give up on us and put the blame on me! — Eddie’s hands were holding Richie’s arm and his touch was still very gentle against his skin, even if his words were harsh. — You can’t ask me to choose between you and my dream…

— I’m not asking, Rich. I am choosing for you. I have nothing else to offer to you, I already gave you my world… You really want to go, so you can go your own way. 

— I don’t wanna leave you, Eddie… Believe me… — Richie cupped his boyfriend’s face gently, looking into his eyes, searching for the feeling that brought them together before.

— So don’t. — Eddie brought his palms to his lips and kissed them. His face was marked by tears, and so was Richie’s, but it was too late to try to do something about it. — Stay with me… If it’s you and me, everything will be just fine… Right? We fix things, forgive me, and I forgive you…

“My heart still wants to be here…”

They remembered well how it  _ felt _ like, those first months of being together had been heavenly, even though they had no clue of what they were doing. But whenever they tried to look back, everything was hazy and fragmented. There were no flashes, no echoes, only a huge blank space none of them could fill in.

Richie’s heart beated uneasy in his chest. “How should I answer this lonely request?”. Eddie’s face was familiar, like all he had ever known, but it was slowly fading and as much as he wanted to, it was too hard to keep holding on.

“You shake me up and for now, that’s enough”.

Eddie tried to remember the reason of Richie’s tears and why his hands were shaking so much. All he could see was fragmented reflections of what could seem they being happy, slowly disappearing each time he tried to reach out. “I’m so afraid of losing you I can’t see anything”.

— I’m gonna take the job. — Richie said in a lower voice, staring at the floor.

— That’s what you should do. Realistically speaking.

It was like the couldn’t even remember their names.


	7. Epilogue

Richie moved out in less than a week. He didn’t have much to pack, but when he finished packing, the small apartment he shared with Eddie felt so much bigger.

After their talk, things were clearer: they were walking towards different things, so there was no reason to keep walking together. It was only natural, Eddie told himself, watching Richie walking out the door one last time. "Nothing lasts forever. And it's fine. It is fine…".

It didn’t stop him from opening the door quickly when he heard the knock one morning.

— Eddie bear!

— Ah… Ma? Ma, is that you?

— Do you know how worried I was about you? I was looking for you everywhere. No one knew a thing about where were you for months and now I find you living in this horrible place all by yourself! Eddie bear, what was in your mind?

It was his old Ma, and she kept kissing him until he accepted that she went there after him because she loved him. In the end, Eddie didn’t even remember who else he was expecting anyway…

He told Ma about his job and soon she was making plans for them. 'Cause she decided they would stay away from Derry, Maine ("where the hell is Derry, Maine?"), and get a fresh start in the big city, using Eddie’s savings to buy a house in Queens and get rid of that "awful place he called home". He was ok with moving out, until Ma threw away the bed.

— Why would you need a big bed anyway? We'll buy you a new one, a twin size 'cause you’re so big right now! What do you think? And this full size is too small for me, but we can think about that later. Oh, Eddie bear, how could you be living here for so long? 

"At least, you’re not with that boy you used to hang with… I bet he was the one who put this stupid idea of running away in your silly little head, Eddie bear! Thanks heaven Ma is here with you now!".

— Yes, Ma… Thanks.

When the door closed behind his back, Richie asked himself if that was the smartest choice. "If he opens the door, maybe I could go back… I never really cared about the sun anyway". But Eddie never opened the door, so he never looked back. Instead, he got into a plane ("damn, they must really want this Trashmouth!") and tried to calm down. 

He would start working monday, with no time to arrange his life or think about what he was leaving behind. Exactly what Richie needed. "No dull boy if your work is to play".

California wasn’t bad  _ at all _ . He didn’t live in Los Angeles, but it didn't take long till he got a place to himself; it wasn’t quite a home, but it was all that he needed.

There were other funny boys working in town, so Richie was never unaccompanied, even though he felt lonely most of the time, avoiding going to parties and big gatherings, with the excuse that he was weak with drinks. People made fun of it, but not as much as they would if they knew his real reasons.

How could he ever get closer to another person, risking they find out about his queer inclinations? It would be too risky for his job and his own safety. What if a couple drinks were enough to loosen his lips? He didn’t want that!

— No one is "weak" with drinks, Richie! You just need to learn! I tell you, give yourself time and soon you’ll be taking tequila shots with no hands!

— I find that hard to imagine, Dave!

— Watch and learn, boy! Watch and learn!

In a few months, he was totally adapted to the crazy days and nights of the West Coast. He was proud of the things he got by himself, and what was life before that, anyway? A bunch of disappointments, that what it was!

A successful comedian, with a cool apartment and even a car, when his paycheck started to get more zeros than he expected. He had  _ everything _ .

"You never come up with any girlfriend, I'm starting to think you left your heart somewhere else, Trashmouth!"

"Yeah, right…". It was his standard response. He had time to find love, after all he was only seventeen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember the time we spent together  
> Autumn, 1993.


End file.
